Month: May 2019

This is a continuation of Seeking Balance in Managing Our Emotions.

Accept responsibility for your emotions.  Only then will you learn to face the reasons they were triggered and manage your responses to others.  They may be influenced by hereditary factors and family dynamics or experiences beyond your control.  Only you, however, can take responsibility for your ability to strategize and make changes in how you cope with your own emotional reactions.

“But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one will bear his own load.” Gal.6:4-5

Reflect on I John 1:6-10; Revelation 3:19-20; Psalm 51

Consider biological factors.  Hereditary and hormonal differences exist in our lives, and different stages of life can bring about biochemical changes in our bodies that may require medical attention.  If natural coping strategies do not work such as those taught by a psychologist or pastor, consider alternative medical approaches, and certainly get a medical exam and blood work to rule out problems such as diabetes, thyroid problems, or many other medical conditions that can affect your emotional well-being.

Reflect on Genesis 1:29-30; Psalm 147:3; Proverbs 17:22; Jeremiah 8:22; Matthew 9:12; Colossians 4:14

Respond, don’t react.  This will be hard.  Reactions are automatic; responses require thought.  Think over the big picture and evaluate your best response.  This gives time for your limbic system and it’s “fight or flight response” to settle down.  It also engages the cortex of your brain, and you will be a better parent, spouse, or friend as a result.  You will be able to refrain from saying things you would regret later.  In other words, do not correct others or discuss important things while angry.

“A fool’s anger is known at once, but a prudent man conceals dishonor.” Proverbs 12:16

Reflect on:  James 1:19-20; Romans 12:2; 15:1,18; 21:23-24; Eph. 4:26

Set a positive emotional goal.  Select the opposite emotion to what you feel, then contemplate what may help you move in that direction.  For example, if angry, how can you move toward peace? Perhaps you take a break to contemplate a relaxing fishing trip. Or when depressed and you want to experience more joy, contact with a distant family member or friend. Simply remembering the blessing of some key people in your life’s journey can redirect depression.

Reflect on Galatians 5:22-26; Philippians 4:4-9; John 14:27-28

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.” Romans 15:13-14

Next week we will finish with part 3 of Seeking Balance in Managing Our Emotions.

Modified from article originally written for the Hammonton Gazette, October 2018.

Emotions are automatic, instinctive reactions within us to circumstances and relationships with others. The television news channel may stir negative feelings within you. Your spouse may inspire positive responses upon your return home. Perhaps you react to the misbehavior of a child, or the warmth of a phone call from a distant friend. Emotions are triggered deep in our limbic system resulting in a wide range of feelings. 

Our brain develops habits and patterns of responding to different situations resulting in our feelings. When they are stuck in a negative state, such as anxiety, depression, shame, or anger, reactions seem to take over, often in an overwhelming manner. We feel like we have no control over the emotions we are experiencing.

Reflect on the emotions of each person in:  Genesis 42:1 – 46:34; I Kings3:16-28; II Peter 2:12-15; Luke 22:39-62 & Matthew 27:1-5

From a Biblical perspective, our emotions are a part of our inner life, or the heart.  Apart from Christ, we seem like simply a “higher order” animal, as evolutionary theory postulates.  In Christ, however, our true identity is discovered, made in the image of God, created for fellowship with Him and with purpose given to us by Him.  Either way, our emotions are part of our normal human experience, with both positive feelings like joy or excitement, and negative feelings such as scared, sad or angry.

“The heart knows its own bitterness,
And a stranger does not share its joy.” Proverbs 14:10

“A joyful heart makes a cheerful face,
But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” Proverbs 15:13

Reflect on John 14:27; 16:6; Psalm 69:20; 73:21-22; 84:2; II Peter 2:12-15

While each emotion we experience can be managed through more specific strategies, there are general principles which are helpful to understand as you seek self-mastery over negative emotional states.

Non-judgmental self-acceptance.  Tune in to emotions and accept what you feel.  Reacting negatively to your feelings will only lead to more emotional turmoil within you.  Awareness is necessary. Not judging yourself for feeling angry, anxious, or depressed, is a starting point foundational to the change strategies noted in the rest of this article.

 “Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” II Corinthians 12:8-10

Reflect on John 1:16; Ephesians 2:8-9; 4:26-27; Romans 1:7; 3:24

Challenge your thinking.  If you have developed ways of thinking that are judgmental or if you tend to magnify negative events and minimize positive experiences, learn to challenge these unhealthy thought patterns.  The same applies if you are overly critical of yourself or see everything as a threat to you.  Many other negative thought patterns can be identified and thus can be changed.

“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matt. 7:1-5

Reflect on II Cor. 10:3-5; I Peter 1:6-9, 13-16

Distract yourself.  When you find yourself ruminating about something upsetting, a distraction technique can help.  You can redirect your mind to something more positive and rewarding. An example might be learning to give thanks or to focus on what you are grateful for in general. 

“ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”  Philippians 4:8

Reflect on Hebrews 11:32-12:4; II Corinthians 10:3-5; Psalm 19:1

Value love.  Whether friendship or marriage, parent or child, an unselfish love is to be valued highly for the sake of one’s emotional health.  Paradoxically, it is by tuning into others, not ourselves, that our own need for love becomes fulfilled.  Love will motivate the repair of broken relationships and unity with others.  It will also bring emotional balance to your life with the fruit of having other positive emotional experiences.

“Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, ‘You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,’ and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:8-10

Reflect on I Corinthians 13:1-13; I John 4:7-21, Heb. 10:24-25; Eph.3:14-19, 4:11-16; John 13:34-35

Next week we will continue Seeking Balance in Managing Our Emotions.

Modified from article originally written for the Hammonton Gazette, October 2018.

This is a continuation of last week’s Seeking Balance to Live Life (Part 2).

Accept vulnerability. You are vulnerable to many uncertainties in life, because no one can predict the future.  You are vulnerable to the past through unwanted thoughts and feelings because the past cannot be eliminated. Instead of trying to control them, accept their existence and give them less power by refocusing your mind in a valued direction.

Reflect on Philippians 2:1-11; Matthew 10:16-20; Romans 13:1-10; 15:1-7

Manage your thoughts.  Even when you breathe, you can say to yourself “I am breathing in relaxation and acceptance, and (with each exhale) I am experiencing peace and life.”   Learn to challenge the unhealthy thoughts connected to the fight-flight or shut-down response, using healthier, life-giving truths that help you experience life more fully. 

Reflect on Philippians 4:8; II Corinthians 10:3-5

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. Proverbs 23:7a

Choose Love.  Open up to giving and receiving love.  It is the highest value, and through it we all can experience freedom from the ravages of the fight-flight or fright response.  Forgiveness for ourselves and others is found under the umbrella of love, as is hope for the future.  As philosophers and spiritually minded people have indicated for millennia, love is a resource which will never run out.

Reflect on John 17:23; I Corinthians 13; I John 3:16-18; I John 4:7-21

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

Modified from article originally written for the Hammonton Gazette, March 2019.

This is a continuation of last week’s post on Seeking Balance to Live Life.

Assess the threat.  Is the threat realistic or more in our own minds?  Mark Twain said “I’ve lived a long and horrible life, and most of it never happened.”  Our minds are often the true battlefield wherein we struggle.  We magnify perceived threats, demand impossible perfection from ourselves for fear of rejection, minimize our own strengths, and so on.

Reflect on Proverbs 28:1-2; Ephesians 6:10-12
“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” II Timothy 1:7

“But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil.” I Thessalonians 5:21-22

Resolve memories.  When we do get attacked and injured, the memory of it is often where people become stuck.  We can relive the experience over and over, even in nightmares.  Instead, face those memories, grieve what needs grieving, confront what needs confronting, and seek resolution so that you may live in the present.  Let go of labels about yourself that hold you back.

Reflect on Exodus 1:14; Ruth 1:20
The heart knows its own bitterness,
And a stranger does not share its joy. Proverbs 14:10

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Breathe.  Focusing and taking charge of your breathing connects the deep limbic system with the conscious, thinking part of the brain.  You can slow your breaths to six breaths a minute, five seconds in and five seconds out, for example.  We can also consider how God breathed life into us and has given us this gift of life.

Reflect on  Proverbs 14:30; Genesis 2:7; Ecclesiastes 3:21; Psalm 150:6

“And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” John 20:22

Choose your valued direction.  There are many roads from which to choose, so consider your values and beliefs, and choose wisely.  Move in that direction, allowing it to energize you.  It is a continuing process.  Remember, you are living life, contributing to the world.  Commit yourself to ongoing action, knowing life is not a destination, but a journey.

Reflect on: Elisha in II Kings 2:9; Titus 2:14

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. “ Ephesians 2:10;

“Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord.  There are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons.  But to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.” I Corinthians 12:4-7

Next week we will finish up Seeking Balance to Live Life.

Modified from article originally written for the Hammonton Gazette, March 2019.